I recently heard a song that made me think of Psalm 139 -“Search me, God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.” To be in that sacred place of humility seeking the sanctification only He can bring…it’s a vital part of our faith. Without it we are in danger of a hardening of our heart and a self-created distance from our Father.
The truth is, we fall down and get dirty sometimes. Maybe we even get drug through the mud by others. In some cases it’s willful and in others we’re completely unaware.
“Who can understand his errors or omissions? Acquit me of hidden (unconscious, unintended) faults. Also keep back Your servant from presumptuous (deliberate, willful) sins; Let them not rule and have control over me. Then I will be blameless (complete), And I shall be acquitted of great transgression. Let the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be acceptable and pleasing in Your sight, O Lord, my [firm, immovable] rock and my Redeemer.” (Psalm 19:12-14).
David’s inclination here and in psalm 139 was to fall before God and say ‘search me’ which landed David in a place of intimacy, worship and surrender. And I dare say soul rest.
Why is it so hard to invite God into our hearts? To admit our faults, weaknesses, distrust and layers of unholy and unhealthy things. Fear, doubt, loss…all of it threatens our sense of safety. Offense creeps in from one side. Lies sneak in from the other. Maybe it’s hard because of the many earthly examples we’ve had of poor love and leadership that has led us to build the walls around our hearts. Or maybe it’s just our humanity - us wanting to be in charge of our own destiny and unwilling to yield to the way of another.
I think the Lord is reminding me that it’s so important to enter this space of humble dependency and muster a “search me” attitude. The good news? Every time it's going to lead us to peace and rest. To communion. His heart is totally for us. He waits for us to show up. When we do - it’s a divine moment of remembering the reason Jesus came and the amazing grace He brought with Him. It renews our faith and draws us into worship. It makes us run from our bent towards hard-heartedness and self-protection straight into His receptive arms of love.
